I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
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My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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