So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
