This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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