Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
