no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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