God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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