This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
