We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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