I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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