I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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