wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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