i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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