and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
