I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
