i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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