Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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