Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
