I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
