you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
