Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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