new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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