woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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