Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
