Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
3 2 1 whiskey
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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