he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
