I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
