You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
