i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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