Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
