yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
