I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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