Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
