I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
