I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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