I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
