on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
