shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
