THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
false alarm. still invincible.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
