You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
