Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
