Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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