I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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