Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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