So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
