end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
