It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
