i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
