I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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