so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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