yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
