By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
