Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
