I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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