if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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