I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
