So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
