I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
