I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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