We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
