every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
