you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
