were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The air was thick with penises
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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