How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
