Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
