I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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