After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
