Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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