Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
