im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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