i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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