dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
