GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
