omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
