I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
