i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
