Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
