She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
