so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize