Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
