Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
