i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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