dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
