just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
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According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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