hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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