lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
