They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
