The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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